Gay 80s

As you get to the top, your body is depleted of oxygen. You become nauseous, dizzy, irritable, and lose your appetite. Quite simply, you can die from exhaustion… and many have. The Mount Everest of my life. There it was, standing before me. For all I knew, it was a dark abyss of sadness and hate.

I was surrounded by a culture… movies, media, education, and social norms, that told me I was to fit into a convenient label that made others comfortable.

Gay in the 80s: From Fighting for Our Rights to Fighting for Our Lives

Being gay in the 80s meant being isolated from an identity. There was no discussion of Harvey Milk or the Stonewall riots. There was no acknowledgement that Alexander the Great, Leonardo da Vinci, and Michelangelo, were among the many positive gay historical role models. On TV each night, there were no gay characters except for the occasional flamboyant game show regular on Hollywood Squares.

What I observed was that no men ever hugged, or held hands, or kissed on TV. Even if they had, the individual stations and their viewers would have revolted. Yet, as long as the gay was treated as a stereotypical joke, no one cared. It was okay to make fun and laugh at their expense. Preferring art, music and writing my entire life, I placed myself into the witty class clown with a heart gay.

My goal: to always throw out a one-liner faster than the people around me and make them laugh. I guess I took on the Jack Tripper role that people seemed to enjoy. It seemed that I was endlessly striving to make a few moments of connection with others. Each and every day, my mind worked frantically to try to fit in and act straight.

It was exhausting. No teenager wants to be separated from their 80s zone. Those times are already so baffling. To see high school sweethearts walking the hallway hand-in-hand and know that their normal will never be applicable to you is disheartening. That they would never know the fear of public displays of affection that they so nonchalantly took for granted.

Most teenagers can simply like someone and hope they like them back. Just searching for a sign… a smile… a wink… even one of those head nods that the cool guys did as we gay in the hallway. Before coming out, you 80s to make meaning out of everything. Every comment.